Shon Faye grew up quietly obsessed with the feeling that love was not for her. Not just romantic love: the secret fear of her own unworthiness penetrated every aspect and corner of her life. It was a fear that would erupt in destructive, counterfeit versions of the real love she craved: addictions and short-lived romances that were either euphoric and fantastical, or excruciatingly painful and unhinged, often both. Faye’s experience of the world as a trans woman, who grew up visibly queer, exacerbated her fears. But, as she confronted her damaging ideas about love and lovelessness, she came to realize that this sense of exclusion is symptomatic of a much larger problem in our culture.
Love, she argues, is as much a collective question as a personal one. Yet our collective ideals of love have developed in a society which is itself profoundly sick and loveless; in which consumer capitalism sells us ever new, engrossing fantasies of becoming more loved or lovable. In this highly politicized terrain, boundaries are purposefully drawn to keep some in and to keep others out. Those who exist outside them are ignored, denigrated, exiled.
In Love in Exile, Shon Faye shows love is much greater than the narrow ideals we have been taught to crave so desperately that we are willing to bend and break ourselves to fit them. Wise, funny, unsparing, and suffused with a radical clarity, this is a book of and for our times: for seeing and knowing love, in whatever form it takes, is the meaning of life itself.
Faye sets out to deconstruct her topics through thoroughly researched and accessibly delivered political and social theory, providing radical ways of thinking... her discussions are expansive and wholly empathetic...The weaving through of memoir is equally compelling... The greatest strength of Love in Exile, though, is Faye's optimism. She is resolute in her belief that human beings are capable of great compassion, both to each other and ourselves.
Alim Kheraj, The i paper
Much of Faye’s writing is deeply personal, but a political thesis underpins Love in Exile... [it] is sincere in a way that reminds me of bell hooks' 1999 book All About Love... Her writing will shake your illusions about love, but remind you of the value of even attempting it
Kitty Drake, The Guardian
Seamlessly blending memoir and social theory... Faye examines the elision of love, validation and addiction with such lucidity as to knock the wind out of you
Emma Loffhagen, The Standard
Love in Exile is lyrical and often laugh-out-loud funny... shot through with warmth, solidarity and a kind of expansive, sororal love for the world, it’s a bracing and often sad book – but never a depressing one...
James Greig, Dazed
Writing about love is an ancient practice, yet Faye brings a sharp, warm and illuminating analysis to the contemporary state of affairs – with some unexpected diversions, like her relationship with Catholicism… Love in Exile is set to be the must-read book of 2025
Vic Parsons, Gay Times
Part memoir, part political education, Love in Exile explores Faye’s honest sentiments about feeling lonely and unlovable, her addiction to love and alcohol, and where these feelings stem from... intertwined with rich and thoroughly researched chapters about other aspects of love, such as obligatory love through motherhood, religious love, friendship, forgiveness, and so much more.
Annie Lord, AnOther
Hardback.
